I am gay.

What do you want from me?
I give you everything, I do what ever you ask for,, I grant you my fucking life for you to show off with!
Can't you for once forget about everyone else and stay with me, be with me?
Why does other people opinions have to define my life, why is everything related to how others see me, how they see you?
It doesn't matter how much you try to convince me, it's not love what you feel for me. you don'e love me, or even like me, you just like the idea of me, the idea of having a person to reflect all you want from life on. I can never be you, I will never be you. all I ever wanted from you was to accept me, as a whole, just the way I am.
why cant you just give me that? is it really that much to ask for, after everything I gave to you, and all those things I gave up on for you, for your people, for you miserable life of dreams.

You don't know me, because you hate everything about the person I really am. and it's hard, It's so fucking hard. living every single of my life wearing a whole other person on my face! 

I can't love because of you, I can't be loved because of you. the walls I keep building are there because of you and your arrogant act of perfection. all I want is to break the ice around me, feel the heat, that little flame of emotions! and you won't even accept me loving a guy, how will you accept me loving a girl!! I'm fucking gay! and I have been since I was born, and no I can't change that. yeah you can't take that can you! you can't love me now can you!! even your god hates me! now why won't you let me find someone that will genuinely love me! the whole magnificent awesome wrong person that I am!
  

Walls That Cuts The Sky.

Walls That Cuts The Sky.

I'm starting to get more emotional by the minute. It feels as if the world is collapsing, but not my world. Everyone is under ruins, and I'm standing in a one meter square room, with walls that covers the horizon, and cuts the sky. I never really understood why humans are so afraid of being alone, now it's clear to me that the fear of being alone does not mean the lack of human relationships, but rather the fear of being around nothing but ourselves. And it doesn't matter whether you live among people, animals, or even trees. you don’t need communication to live, you need to see life, feel it, hear it all around you, just to believe you are there, you are alive, this is reality.
What is a man in a one meter square room with walls that cut the sky?
nothing,,,
he'll resist the temptation to get lost in his mind for a few days, perhaps few weeks or months, yet he will let his guards down in one moment, and he will be nowhere to be found.
In that place, reality in no longer reality, and dreams don’t exist. It's just one ambiguous state where fantasies are in control, and nightmares a natural state of reality. In this mist, time will be your friend, and your foe. Time is no longer a countable intangible. But time, is the only thing that remains from the original world, the genuine world.

I don't even know how to live anymore.