I am gay.

What do you want from me?
I give you everything, I do what ever you ask for,, I grant you my fucking life for you to show off with!
Can't you for once forget about everyone else and stay with me, be with me?
Why does other people opinions have to define my life, why is everything related to how others see me, how they see you?
It doesn't matter how much you try to convince me, it's not love what you feel for me. you don'e love me, or even like me, you just like the idea of me, the idea of having a person to reflect all you want from life on. I can never be you, I will never be you. all I ever wanted from you was to accept me, as a whole, just the way I am.
why cant you just give me that? is it really that much to ask for, after everything I gave to you, and all those things I gave up on for you, for your people, for you miserable life of dreams.

You don't know me, because you hate everything about the person I really am. and it's hard, It's so fucking hard. living every single of my life wearing a whole other person on my face! 

I can't love because of you, I can't be loved because of you. the walls I keep building are there because of you and your arrogant act of perfection. all I want is to break the ice around me, feel the heat, that little flame of emotions! and you won't even accept me loving a guy, how will you accept me loving a girl!! I'm fucking gay! and I have been since I was born, and no I can't change that. yeah you can't take that can you! you can't love me now can you!! even your god hates me! now why won't you let me find someone that will genuinely love me! the whole magnificent awesome wrong person that I am!
  

Walls That Cuts The Sky.

Walls That Cuts The Sky.

I'm starting to get more emotional by the minute. It feels as if the world is collapsing, but not my world. Everyone is under ruins, and I'm standing in a one meter square room, with walls that covers the horizon, and cuts the sky. I never really understood why humans are so afraid of being alone, now it's clear to me that the fear of being alone does not mean the lack of human relationships, but rather the fear of being around nothing but ourselves. And it doesn't matter whether you live among people, animals, or even trees. you don’t need communication to live, you need to see life, feel it, hear it all around you, just to believe you are there, you are alive, this is reality.
What is a man in a one meter square room with walls that cut the sky?
nothing,,,
he'll resist the temptation to get lost in his mind for a few days, perhaps few weeks or months, yet he will let his guards down in one moment, and he will be nowhere to be found.
In that place, reality in no longer reality, and dreams don’t exist. It's just one ambiguous state where fantasies are in control, and nightmares a natural state of reality. In this mist, time will be your friend, and your foe. Time is no longer a countable intangible. But time, is the only thing that remains from the original world, the genuine world.

I don't even know how to live anymore.

heartache

A sudden realization of a certain situation may come heavy on the soul ..
the amount of feelings that jumps on your heart can be so large,, you don't even know where it came from ..

to the man who has been suffering for the last two months ,, I salute you ..
and I wish from all my heart that we end up with a better family after this ..

so damn weak

I can't do it, I just can't hate you! What the hell was I thinking about !

I'm a bit too weak, your freaking eyes make me weak. I hate weakness, and I don’t like being weak, now go back and count how many times I've said "weak"!

I feel happy today, I want to jump, dance, laugh, scream, I want to squeeze you in my arms. Is it wrong to love someone just because you're upset about your life? Is it still love? Everyone these days think that is love, but I don't. so it's not love. I'm still trying to define this feeling, any help?

missing something? or perhaps all ?

There's something missing in my heart, a hole in my soul, how could I heal it?

You always leave me like this, staring in the blank, where your eyes shinned seconds ago, oh could I forget your eyes?!

I want to love you, but I can't, because there's no such thing as love. I believe it's just a choice, and it is .  I have to choose hate, so that I can learn to love.

I never thought about it before, but now it's different. So I'm sorry for what I'm going to do, I hope you will understand.

OLD CITY - Nablus

my family is just like any other i guess ,, daddy mother and a brother ,, and a 10 years younger sister ..
then there's the kind uncle figure, dad's oldest brother ,, he had a heart problem, so as long as i remember , he hang at home a lot ,, and with a 10 stairs between our houses and mother and father working most of the day ,, he became the friend I play with ,, the guy who takes care of my little childhood happiness,,
the birthdays ,, the cats we used to feed ,, the games we used to play ,, it surly was something ,,
then ,, sometime in my third grade ,, he simply didnt wake up ,, it's so clear in my head ,, a school day .. waking up to mother and father hurrying down there ,, aunt screaming dad's name like he's gonna bring him from the dead ,, I think everybody was in shock ,, I ,, I still cant identify the feeling i had ,, cuz i remember not feeling sad ,, or angry ,, it's like not feeling anything ,, just a normal morning ,, went to school ,, came back ,, a normal day i shall call it ,, except for my mother every two-hours check up ,,

when i remember this one ,, i can only imagine that i maybe was too young ,, to feel sad for a dead man ,,

  

enough playing around ,, I think It's time to write about me ,,
about my past ,,
about the reason why pressing the "no-feelings" button all the time.

and no one shall ever say i lived a normal life, cuz there's no such thing as "normal" ..
and there's no such thing as a happy childhood ,,
it's only how we see it ,, the memories we keep in the heart r always the pretty one ,, but our minds never forget ,, never forget ! 

so it comes ,, no way to shake it up ,,

wt if it's meant to be ,, i've been looking for this chance all my life ,,, to leave that shit behind and be the cruel little bastard i am ,,

how about taking it to the max ,, instead of just sitting back and weep !!
  

and I repeat ,, Music has NO Religion !! 

نحاول كثيراً أن نجد بقايا أنفسنا على الطرقات ..
لكن أليس من الاجدر ان نضع بقايا جديدة على طرقات جديدة ؟  

it's time to take the next step in life ,,

it's time to challenge myself ,,

i got lots of things done ,, i aced everything ,,
satisfied ,, yeah i am ,,
but life isn't about being satisfaction ,, it's about running to the edge ,, and take a big jump to the other edge ..
we have to train ourselves well ,, and i did ,,

now i need my mountain to jump !

how does it feel to be special ?

how does it feel to be special ?

being special on both sides is really hard ,, whether ur super smart, or super stupid ,,
people will look at u in the same perspective ,, they're going to treat u in a hard and quite a bad way ,,

but there's a small different , when ur stupid u wont realize it, u'll just go on "happily" ,, but when ur smart ,,
u'll realize ,, u'll hate ,, u'll revenge the whole society ,,
so wt r u ? 

enjoying life isn't really how u imagine ,,
it's about fulfilling the most of our dreams ,,
reaching the maximum of what we can handle!

A hero shall never save u ,, cuz a hero will be busy saving his girlfriend :/
(screw) all of them !

occupy wall street ....

no ,, let's occupy ALL STREETS !!

take responsibility for your actions ,,
i've been tellin' myself that for years ,,
still didnt have that chance to see how much courage i have to preform it ,,

Waiting .....

glory

I seek no happiness ,, I seek Glory !~~

It's bothering me lately, the way things are, it's not what I want, it's not what i need, it's not Me !!

real bible

John , Luke , Mike , Matt ,,,

they wrote wt we call now "The Bible" ,, in a story line for Jesus life
In Islam the Bible is a book of god ,, then it wont be written by those people for sure ,,

Where is the real Bible?